


The Prince With a Flower Crown

by JungTaco



Series: The Prince With a Flower Crown [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, Fantasy, Flower Crowns, Flowers, Language of Flowers, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:05:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7895491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungTaco/pseuds/JungTaco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yixing finally finds out about the boy responsible for his flower crowns back then they were children.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Prince With a Flower Crown

It was an old habit for Yixing to touch his hair every morning after he woke up, only to realize he couldn’t feel anything foreign on his head and smile wistfully at his foolishness. The habit faded over time, but every now and then, on lazy mornings, he would search for flowers on his head and chuckle at the memories from when he was a child.

A wreath of pansies was the first memory that he could remember from back then, when he used to visit his grandma every summer. Even now, no one could convince Yixing that the old lady with a warm smile and skin carved by time wasn’t a fairy. How else could he explain that every morning he woke up with flowers in his hair and smelled a different scent?

His grandma loved flowers a lot, and even if he had never asked, he knew that there was no need to do such a thing. He thought that he had never really appreciated the gesture the way he should have and although he had spent plenty of time in her presence, he never once thanked her. He, at least, didn’t remember having done so.

The news that she passed away hadn’t really been shocking, although he had to take some time to process this piece of information. After that sadness came a tad of regret, but he tried not to dwell on it.

A week had passed since then, and Yixing had now returned to the place where he spent his summers when he was a child, his grandma’s now empty house. During the last years of her life, she had been quietly minding her own business here. The few times he had visited her, the entire house was peaceful, almost as if she wasn’t there. But only almost, because he could feel her presence there, warming up the whole place. Now there was just a lingering sensation that this person had lived there. It was in the neatly arranged dishes in the kitchen, in the small clay pots by the window, basking in sunlight and in every object she had touched with utmost gentleness.

He couldn’t help but remember her smile whenever he saw another potted plant by a windowsill. There were some that made him think _How could I miss this one before?_ Or _I remember this pot from since I was little._ He smiled to himself as he exited the house. The air was pleasant, warm and filled with the scent of roses. It was a welcome escape from the city.

At some point, after standing there for several minutes while old memories kept flooding back on their own, he heard a soft ruffle, like steps on the grass, but as far as he knew, he was the only person there. Maybe it was just a stray cat, creeping around. He walked a bit towards where he thought the sound came from, jumping when he saw that it was none other than a human on his grandma’s turf. The unknown boy looked at him with a mellow expression for a bit, before a slight frown colored his face.

“Who are you?” Yixing asked, gazing at the flower adorning the stranger’s hair, small clusters of petals almost shining golden in the sunlight. He had no idea what their name was.

“Yixing!” The boy’s expression lit up with surprise before a smile appeared and stole Yixing’s attention from the flowers to his face. “It’s you, right?”

“It’s me, yes... Do you know me?”

“I... I know you since you were this tiny.” He giggled, placing his hand in front of his waist, seeming to enjoy the shock on Yixing’s face. The latter was sure that if he had ever seen this boy before he would have remembered. But since he said he knew him since he was a kid, he supposed they had probably been friends back then and he couldn’t remember, which was normal.

“I don’t remember, sorry... What’s your name?”

“There’s no way you can remember… You never saw me after all. I’m Luhan.” Yixing blinked in confusion.

“I never saw you?” Luhan nodded.

“I’m pretty sure that you would have been scared if you saw me back then… I can’t guarantee for the present either though…” He added quietly.

“Why would I be scared?”

“You’ll realize soon I guess. Do you want to go inside?” Yixing agreed and they returned indoors, questions still railing through his head. As soon as they were sitting down on the sofa in the living room, the boy’s gaze once again stopped on the flower wreath on Luhan’s head curiously.

“What kind of flowers are those?”

“These are marigolds.” With the topic change, Luhan seemed to tense up, stiff shoulders a clear sign of how uncomfortable he felt, but Yixing couldn’t guess the reason.

“They are pretty.” he said just so his voice would fill the void of the silence that threatened to settle and make the atmosphere even heavier. He himself didn’t feel any kind of pressure. He was just a tad confused and curious about this boy with flowers in his hair, a peculiar image to say the least.

“I’m sorry about your grandma.” Luhan uttered after a few moments. Despite his tension, his words were heartfelt, sincere.

At the mention of her, Yixing smiled sadly.

“How did you know her?” Silence followed his question as he waited for the response patiently.

“You know, I was a weird kid… umm… and she took care of me when everyone else was running away from me.” Although Yixing wanted to know the reason for which that happened, he kept quiet for now, gazing at Luhan, who wasn’t looking at him, just staring into empty space. Yixing looked away as well, not wanting to make him feel more uncomfortable. On the window still facing them the pots were basking in sunlight. The boy found the image peaceful, yet sad. But he was sure it was just him projecting his feelings onto everything he saw.

“Then why did I never see you?” Yixing spoke after a while, seeing that Luhan didn’t seem to want to talk any further. “Were you, perhaps, hiding?”

“Yeah…” That was all that he muttered, and they sat in silence again for some time. Yixing would glance at the other from time to time. He noticed how his shoulders drooped, and now he seemed more sad than anything else.

“Why? I mean... No, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to... But how do you know my grandma?” A tiny smiled found its way on Luhan’s lips, albeit his eyes remained sad. He felt like crying maybe, Yixing couldn’t tell for sure. He was probably reading too deep.

“I-I was trying to avoid some kids and since I was in a hurry to hide, I hid behind her fence. I didn’t even notice her at first, she was so small and quiet, watering her flowers. I panicked when I saw her.” He gave a short, soft laugh. “We were about the same age, that’s what she told me.” Luhan paused, looking at nothing in particular again, seeming to think how he should continue, what to avoid telling. “She didn’t mind and she invited me in. She told me I could be friends with you and I became a mess. I was trying not to cry, and I don’t remember if I did, but I probably did cry.”

The question was ready to spill, but Yixing already saw that Luhan was reluctant to talk about himself too much, so he held back and asked something else instead.

“How do you know me then?”

“It is... a pretty cheesy story.” The boy looked down at his fingers as he fiddled with them, leg bouncing nervously. He willed it to stop before he spoke again. “I might... I might have had some kind of crush on you maybe... I mean I was a kid there was nothing serious.” Yixing looked at him in surprise. That was unexpected but welcome, even though he would have liked to know about that a few years ago maybe.

“You should have told me back then.” He looked away from Luhan, gaze resting on the flower pots and a lazy smile resting on his face. It was as if his grandma made sure that he would encounter pleasant surprises after her passing away. He wasn’t one to believe such things, but maybe...

Another unexpected thing was a strong smell that suddenly flooded his nostrils. He couldn’t remember what scent it was at first, but then he realized. Peonies. But there were no peonies there.

“Do you-?” he turned his head to look at Luhan, words stopping on the edge of his tongue at the sight of pink blossoms circling the collar of his shirt. There were a few that were still buds, shyly hiding behind the petals of the others. After gathering enough words to form a coherent sentence, Yixing parted his lips, but remained silent as he saw how Luhan avoided his gaze, or tried to, in vain. He looked smaller, like he was trying to make himself tiny and disappear somewhere, legs glued to each other, hands between his thighs as he was leaning away from the other boy.

“Luhan...” Yixing’s voice and eyes softened. “I don’t understand what... what you are and what is happening, but you don’t need to be afraid of me.” The brunet expected that his words would fail to convince him. “You know me, right? I don’t know how, but you told me so. Do I seem like those kids bullying you? Or... whatever they did that made you cry?” He waited for an answer patiently. It took the other boy a while before he shook his head, movement barely visible.

“But you were a kid...”

“I know I grew up, but I’m pretty much the same.” Luhan peeked at him.

“I don’t know about that...” Despite his words, his limbs relaxed and although his back was still rigid, he didn’t try to lean away anymore.

“Believe me, I am. Do you... want to continue the story?”

“Yeah...” his voice was barely a whisper, but it was something. “You know the flower wreaths... You were so happy and I liked seeing you like that.” The words were now softer than before, wavering. “It was me actually... not your grandma.” Yixing had to take a moment to process the information. All his life a wonderful existence was hidden behind blushing peonies and he was left to think there was just him and his grandmother. But it made sense.

“That’s another surprise...”

“Are you disappointed?...”

“No, not at all!” he quickly assured Luhan. “I was just taken aback. But that answers some questions. I always found it weird that I didn’t know where some of those flowers were coming from. I had a secret theory that she was a magician. But it turned out you were.” He chuckled. “That’s even better. A magician who had a crush on me.” He watched in awe as the peony buds bloomed slowly, but fast enough to be perceptible and considered unnatural.

“Shut up...” Luhan tried to look away, not to let Yixing see his flustered face. “You’re wrong, you _are_ worse. And I’m no magician.”

“You’re pretty close. It’s amazing!” When Luhan dared to look at him and saw how Yixing’s face lit up in joy, how his eyes were sparkling and how his dimple showed up again, he began to think that maybe he really was the same, because although taller and less chubby, this was the same Yixing as he was back then. The same smile, the same happiness.

“I can’t control it...” he mumbled. “I’m not amazing, I’m just... weird.”

“That seems pretty amazing to me anyway.”

“She told me they grow because of my feelings. And that there are different flowers for different feelings. I didn’t realize at that time. And it would have taken me a lot before realizing it myself.”

“What do peonies and marigold mean then?”

“I’m not sure... Marigold is probably sadness. I don’t know about Peonies.” He rubbed his nape, avoiding Yixing’s eyes yet again, which hinted he probably knew, or at least had a vague idea. Then Yixing got his phone out of his pocket, attracting the other’s curious gaze. “What are you doing?”

“If you don’t know maybe Google will.” Luhan scoffed.

“How will google know about my feelings?”

“Google knows a lot of things. Look, I found something. It says marigold is... grief.” He said simply and silence followed his words as his face remained expressionless for a bit. “Peony means bashfulness. It makes sense.” The scent was still floating in the air, as strong as before.

“B-but how does it know?”

“I don’t know... Maybe people studied it or something. Or maybe they just noticed. It’s probably not that hard.”

“Maybe...” Yixing returned the device to his pocket, looking at Luhan again, noticing how more peonies have bloomed, some of them beginning to frame his childish face. His cheeks were round and pink, as if reflecting the flowers touching his skin gently. The boy giggled, and Luhan wanted to turn away, but he knew it would make the situation more embarrassing for him maybe. “What is it?” The brunet asked, this time not laughing, not teasing him, only smiling calmly. He had thought it would be a dull day, one he would spend in sadness, feeling heavy, horrible, but although he kept her in his mind, it was quite the opposite.

“Am I that easy to read?”

“I didn’t mean it that way... You’re like just any other person, except a little out of the ordinary. In a good way.”

“What is good about this?...” He looked down at the peonies.

“I like them, they’re beautiful. Of course, I can’t speak for you as well...”

“They’re... I don’t know... It doesn’t matter what I think, I can’t get rid of them no matter what I do.” Luhan got up suddenly, heading for the bookcase stuffed with old, dusty volumes, which probably no one has opened since forever, forgotten by everyone except time. Yixing didn’t know if Luhan was just trying to hide from him again, and if he did, he couldn’t blame him for it. He didn’t ask what he was doing, but the other boy spoke anyway.

“There was a book about plants somewhere around here...” His gaze scanned a certain portion of the bookcase, showing that he knew about where it was supposed to be. After inspecting the stubs, a small victorious interjection left his lips and he slowly pulled the book from between all the others, struggling not to scatter dust everywhere. Yixing had stood up and approached him, looking at the object in his hands, yellow pages that were barely held in place between thick, shabby covers. “There’s a part about flower languages... but... it’s old and probably not as good as the internet.”

“The internet can be wrong too.”

“You... You should have it, maybe. I’m sure your grandma wouldn’t mind.” He extended his hands towards Yixing, the book in his hands passing to the shorter boy. He was a little baffled by the gesture. He wondered why he did it, since it contradicted with his words earlier, or rather with the feelings he seemed to detect behind those words.

“What’s with that face?” Luhan meddled with his train of thoughts cheerfully in an unexpected way. “I don’t like you in that way anymore. It’s just since it’s you I guess it’s fine. I saw her reading it a lot, and maybe not for knowing what I feel. Cause I don’t think she needed to read those parts.”

“Then I won’t need it either.”

“Hmm... maybe not, but she was older and wiser, you’re just a kid.”

“What do you mean kid?” He whined in a way that purposefully made him look like one, although he was sincerely and utterly surprised. Luhan definitely looked younger than him, but he told him they were the same age.

“You are probably younger than me, I can feel it.” He lazily headed back towards the sofa. The scent was weaker now, subtly floating in the air. Although still in bloom, they detached from his body and he was now holding several stems before placing them on his knees. “I don’t actually know how old I am.”

“How so?” Yixing took a seat, this time closer to Luhan as he carefully opened the book. The scribbly writing on the first page held his attention for a few moments. “ _To my dear Fenfang_ ” was written in blue pen, stubbornly sticking to the page and defying time, unlike the text on the other pages. It was his grandmother’s name, but he didn’t know who gave her the book.

“I don’t remember much of the beginning of my life, and I had no one to tell me when I was born. It’s fine, I don’t lose much, except for birthday cake. I still ate yours though.” The marigolds on his scalp were still there, like they had been from the beginning of their meeting, almost proudly, but in fact they shone sadly and gently, intermingling with light brown strands of hair.

“But I spent only summers here. My birthday is in October?”

“So what? Fenfang still baked a cake for me. I mean for you, but I think it was more for me actually.”

Although the subject drifted away somehow, Yixing couldn’t will away the thoughts that he wanted more about Luhan and about his earlier years, those he couldn’t remembered. But in the end, maybe it wasn’t _that_ important.

They spent a couple of hours like that, talking about small nothings and things that united them, thing about which Luhan knew about, but Yixing had no idea about, because the former had been a secret until today. Years of potential friendship were lost, but it wasn’t unrepairable because here they were.

Of course Yixing didn’t want to leave, and of course Luhan didn’t want him to leave, for somehow different reasons. Purple and white and yellow bloomed, surrounding Luhan’s arms almost shyly. Small round light-colored petals upon larger, darker-colored ones, an elegant combination. As usual, Yixing didn’t know their name.

“What are th-“

“You have to leave soon, right?” The other didn’t seem to be listening to him.

“Yeah...”

“This is bothersome, I know, but... could you... take me with you?” His fingers gripped the side of the sofa and his whole body stiffened again, expecting a refusal.

“Living with me would be... pretty boring. Besides I don’t know how to cook well.” If the boy had looked at Yixing he would have seen how forced his words actually were and how he was in a fight with his own mind, and also the regret in his eyes as he talked. But he only heard his voice, light and casual, as if he didn’t see a glint of pain in Luhan’s eyes, even when averted. He did, but he chose to ignore it.

 

_When I saw you for the first time I thought marigolds fit you, but then I changed my mind because you don’t deserve to feel sadness._

 

Luhan knew what the bellflowers adorning his wrists meant. It was disappointment. Bitter and disgusting disappointment. He wasn’t disappointed in Yixing, but in himself, and although he wasn’t sure why, he was sure it had to be him.

He realized he was crying only when a tear fell on a petal and broke like a piece of china would, tiny droplets landing on the frail, blue surface. He wiped his tears quickly and despite knowing the pain that was to come, clenched his palm in a fist around one of the flowers. A mewl escaped him, and he couldn’t help feeling a sense of pride because he didn’t scream like the last time he did something like this. It was back when he was a teen and, like now, he was angry with himself. Because he was like this, because no one liked him except for one person. But at least he had that person. Now he was all alone, with no one to stop him, but his pain.

Memories flooded his mind, memories of when he saw Fenfang’s shears for the first time and an idea bloomed in his mind a while later. Maybe if he cut them they wouldn’t grow back. But he had no idea it would be so painful, so much that after the struggle of using the tool he ended up in tears, crying out loud, both out of sadness and physical suffering. He had only cut a few stems of ophrys. Those were ugly flowers, but he thought they fit him best.

He was crying so hard that he didn’t even see the blood staining his skin and clothes.

But now he stopped himself from doing anything more. Because he wanted to believe Yixing really didn’t change and he had good reasons for which he didn’t want to take Luhan with him.

 

_I always liked them, but when I saw them blooming around your face I thought peonies suit you best and it made me love them._

 

Yixing promised Luhan he would be back sometime soon, and when weekend came, he was anxious to leave the city already. He was tired and worried and felt guilty because he had seen, albeit partially, how he made Luhan feel. Besides, the thought that he was there alone was haunting his mind.

Before he knocked on the door to his grandma’s house, he tried to make sure his face wouldn’t show too many signs of weariness, but Luhan saw through him almost too quickly.

“You’ve been busy, weren’t you?”

“Let’s say I was...” he said as they walked inside. It was actually quite a relief that he didn’t have to pretend to be perfectly cheerful all the time. He followed Luhan into the kitchen after he offered to make him tea. Sitting down at the small table and gazing at him, he saw the marigolds were still there, like a sad homage for the beloved old lady.

“I’m sorry. For what I said the last time. When I refused to take you with me.”

“It’s... it’s ok... You have your reasons. And you barely know me, I shouldn’t have asked that.”

“Yes, I do have reasons, but what I told you were just excuses. The truth is... I don’t think it’s safe to live with me right now.” Luhan sat down in front of him while waiting for the tea to brew, his side facing Yixing as the boy deliberately didn’t look at him. “That’s sounds like an empty excuse too, I know, but I’m serious.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me last week?”

“I thought it wasn’t that important for you to know, but I ended up upsetting you...”

“But you... you wouldn’t want me to live with you anyway probably. And I understand, I really do. It’s not your fault I was upset.” He said quietly, continuing after a pause. “You said you didn’t change, and I kind of believe you... but I think I never knew you properly to begin with so I can’t tell. But I’m really not mad at you or anything.” This time he looked Yixing in the eye, which took quite some courage from his part, but he needed to show him that he wasn’t lying.

“No, Luhan...” Yixing sighed. “I really don’t want to leave you here alone. But that guy is dangerous...” he added on a quieter tone, and he was the one avoiding eye contact this time. “I think the tea is ready.”

“What guy? What are you talking about?” The other boy tilted his head, tea already forgotten.

“Details are not important.” Yixing forced a smile. “But just know that you shouldn’t be there. At least not too soon.”

“But I want details!” Wide, orange petals bloomed in the corner of Yixing’s eyes quickly, like bursting fireworks, together with Luhan’s restlessness. “What guy are you talking about? Is he… is he your boyfriend? Did he hurt you??” This time around, Yixing knew what kind of flowers those were. He had looked throughout his grandma’s book throughout the last week, to take his mind off things more than anything else. They were balsamine, but he didn’t remember their meaning. He didn’t think he needed to remember, because everything was obvious on Luhan’s face.

“He didn’t hurt me. At least not yet.” he sighed. The flowers he saw last time before he left bloomed again. Columbines. Luhan was anxious and maybe more than that. “He was my boyfriend. Not anymore. I was stupid. And I still am probably… but I’m trying not to be and to keep him away.”

“B-but what is he doing? Why is he dangerous?” He gulped, for once not taking his eyes off Yixing’s expression, body tense and tongue not working properly. “Can’t the police do anything? Maybe… maybe you should stay here for a while.”

“He is just stalking me for the moment. He’s annoying, just that.” He shrugged, but there obviously more to it. He wished Luhan stopped asking questions, because he felt there was no use talking about it. “I have work to do, and I’ll lose my job if I stay here.”

“I see…” Luhan chewed on his lower lip. It didn’t seem like Yixing was telling him everything, but he didn’t ask anything more. “But it’s dangerous…” the boy seriously thought about forcing him to take him to the city, because maybe that guy would be weirded out by him and just leave. It was foolish to think so, he knew.

“I’ll be alright. I may be stupid, but I’ll be careful. I’ll take you with me after he gets bored of me, I promise.” A smile bloomed on his lips, this time sincere like the shy pink blossoms adorning Luhan’s ears now.

“R-really? You don’t have to, you know... you barely even know me after all.”

“But I feel we’re close already.” A mischievous glint sparked in his eyes before he became serious again. “Really. You’ve known me since then and you’ve been living with my grandma. We should have been friends since a long time ago.”

“You think? Sorry then... I was a coward... and I still am.”

“No, it’s not your fault. Hey, I was meaning to ask... does it hurt when they fall?”

“No.” Old memories were refreshed once more with the question, the ones where it really hurt. But should he tell him? “It only hurts if they forcibly removed. Like pulled or cut. I tried that several times.” But he found himself speaking anyway. He couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t do it again, no matter how much he wished to.

“Oh…” He could feel something akin to sadness in Yixing’s voice.

“Anyway, it’s not important, you shouldn’t be worried about me now. I hope he leaves you alone…” He couldn’t help the ominous feeling taking over his mind. And the fact that he would be here waiting and doing nothing else while Yixing is away made him even more restless. “Y-Yixing… Teach me how to text.” The other blinked, confusion painting his expression. “What?”

“You don’t know how to text?”

“...No. Fenfang told me about it, but she said it’s too complicated and bothersome and she preferred calling. She said it confused her and that young people like to text more… And I still have her phone but I don’t really know how to use it… and I want to make sure you are ok…” he muttered the last part, despite it being the main reason he wanted to learn how to text.

“I see. Have you ever tried though? It’s really easy.”

“No…”

“Ok then.” Yixing giggled, once again reminding Luhan of the young boy he used to like. He scrunched his face because he was beginning to feel warm inside like he did back then and he didn’t believe that was a good thing. “What is it?”

“Nothing!” he quickly got up and went to search for the phone. In a minute he was back, after clearing his mind of useless thoughts, and he discovered texting really was not hard at all.

Yixing thought that if they were at it, he could take this chance and explain to him about different things the phone could do, but in the midst of quite simple-worded instructions, Luhan got lost in his own thoughts. He got lost between hoping that nothing bad would happen to Yixing and he could go with him and being afraid of the act itself. Afraid of being an unlovable burden. Among all these he wondered if Fenfang and Yixing were the only ones who could treat him so normally. Explaining simple things, get close to him without ridiculing him, talking to him like they would to another human being.

But then he realized a thing. Luhan had never left this place since he arrived here. He had never adventured out of this village and when he did get out of the house, he was always hiding. He had never even _tried_ talking to other people since then and maybe he was stuck with his childhood fears. He felt stupid. He felt pathetic that he still felt the same things and he never had the courage to get out of there and do something. All because a few kids that called him names when he was a child. He was a coward, wasn’t he? He thought the whole world would be like those kids, but what did he actually know of the world? He knew nothing, and he was still afraid to try.

“Luhan, why are you crying?” came the soft question that brought him back in the present moment, only it didn’t do much, because the present moment was almost like any other he had lived, tainted with the same fears and insecurities, but with new frustrations. A moment before, he thought he was happy for Yixing was acknowledging him like he had only hoped he would. It seemed even better. And part of him _was_ happy. But then tears blurred his vision without him even realizing.

He didn’t know how to respond, how to explain the reason, but more than that he couldn’t, because he was sobbing in his arms now, white flowers blooming shyly followed by specks of red petals. Yixing didn’t look at them. He didn’t need to know their names or what they represented, because they could never tell him enough. Only Luhan could, maybe, at some point.

Luhan calmed down after a while. He wiped his tears, once again, trying to avoid Yixing’s eyes, even though it was impossible because of their proximity. “I’m sorry.” He said meekly. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s ok, just tell me what happened.”

“Nothing much happened, but... I just realized some things... And I’m afraid, but...” He took in a shaking breath, the pause dragging longer and longer while the other waited. “Will you help me?... I know... you barely know me and stuff, but…” he sniffed. “No, I don’t know if I should ask you this…”

“Ask what?”

“Ask for help from you.”

“But I want to help you.”

“You have your own problems…”

“But I’ll get rid of them and then I’ll take you with me. And I’ll try to help you. But… how do you want me to help?”

“I don’t know either… I just… don’t want to be alone.”

“I see.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. Is it ok if I stay for the night? I don’t feel like returning home and tomorrow is Sunday so…”

“Of course!” Luhan hurried to assure him that he didn’t mind, his head now a little more clear as he began to think that Yixing was probably too afraid to return home. He couldn’t do anything but he wanted to help too.

“Do you want to… tell me more about it?” Yixing looked confused for a second.

“About… that guy?” The other nodded. “No, it’s fine. Let’s not talk about depressing things anymore.”

So they didn’t, at least for a day, one which continued as every trouble was temporarily masked by the illusion of normalcy. It was clumsy and they were clumsy and it was probably not the wisest thing to do either, but they at least didn’t pretend to be wise.

 

_The apple blossoms were adorable and maybe I would have told you that if it didn’t seem to be such a bad time._

 

On Monday evening, Yixing received the first text from Luhan. “ _Are you ok?_ ” He somehow felt a tad better and a little smile let the frown he had been wearing finally dissipate.

“ _I’m fine. How are you feeling?”_ he quickly responded, making his way through the busy street, towards home. He didn’t get his phone out again until he found himself in his apartment and locked the door. He still didn’t feel safe, but maybe he would be able to get his mind off things for a little while.

“ _I’m fine, just thinking about you”_ was the next message, followed by another one, “ _Why did i send that i didn’t mean to send that”_ Yixing giggled, picturing Luhan fidgeting and peonies blooming everywhere. He took off his shoes unceremoniously while his fingers were busy typing.

“ _You can blame that on autocorrect”_

 _“What’s that?”_ Luhan typed, but before he got to press send, the phone buzzed in his hands with the call received. He was startled, but he quickly responded.

“H-Hi.”

“Hello.” Yixing didn’t think he sounded tired even if he probably was. His greeting was rather lively in fact. “You were thinking about me, huh?”

“Shut up, I was wondering if you were ok…” He could almost hear Luhan’s frown in his voice.

“I know. Thanks.”

“Are you really ok?” Yixing nodded before remembering Luhan couldn’t see it.

“Yeah. Just tired and hungry.”

“Go eat. And then go to sleep.”

“Yeah, I guess I will.” Yixing sighed, heading towards the kitchen. He would have probably gone to bed without making the effort to eat if it weren’t for Luhan. “How was your day?”

“Just the usual… Go eat and we’ll talk after that.”

“Ok. Good night. Just in case you’ll fall asleep.”

“I won’t, I won’t. But good night. Just in case _you_ fall asleep while eating. Please don’t do that.”

Too tired for anything more, Yixing prepared himself some ramen and made sure not to fall asleep. Not that he actually could.

 _“Are you sleeping?”_ He texted Luhan, who instead of replying, called him again.

“You can’t sleep?”

“How did you know?”

“Just a feeling…” Luhan wanted to help, he really really did, but he could only listen to Yixing. He was clumsy, didn’t have a way with words, but he wanted to help. “Umm…”

Yixing waited, again, for the other to continue, but when all he got was silence, he spoke instead, “Am I bothering you right now?” he laid down on his bed, absently watching the boring ceiling. Why was he even talking to a person whom he had barely known right now? There were people there for him who had known him for a long time. No. People whom he had known for a long time. Luhan had been there since many years back. He didn’t know how much that mattered, since years passed without him seeing Yixing anymore. Maybe he was talking to him because he felt remorseful, or maybe he just didn’t in fact want to talk to anybody. But he needed a distraction, and Luhan managed to make him take his mind off his troubles several times before.

“No, of course not!”

Was it his talent? Did he just like him too much too quickly? Perhaps neither, perhaps both. Questions were floating in a vague haze around his head, and he could barely grasp them, let alone answer them.

“Do you… want to talk about what’s on your mind?” Luhan continued, tone soft and hesitant. “Or maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“Are you in bed right now? I could… sing you a song or something. It works for me sometimes.” Yixing was surprised by the suggestion, and now there was curiosity bubbling up in him.

“Yes, I am.” He closed his eyes and turned on his side, and drowsiness was dripping from his words. “I’d like that.”

Luhan cleared his voice, a little flustered and nervous, but Yixing couldn’t sense that, so he only waited for him to start. The melody was unfamiliar, and his voice was soothing, even more than he had expected. He focused his attention on the song and on his own breathing while trying to picture Luhan singing, slowly balancing to the slow rhythm and the image painted a faint smile on his face. He felt calm finally and when Luhan asked him if he was there after finishing the song, in a whisper, just in case, he responded with a barely understandable murmur, “I think I fell asleep.” The other boy giggled and wished him good night, voice soft but a little bubbly.

 

_I was touched when I saw the columbines, not that I knew what they meant, but because I saw how concerned you were for me._

 

On Saturday morning, Yixing found Luhan taking care of the flowers embracing the old house. He had left early so that he could spend the day with Luhan, or to get away from the city quickly, or both probably. They had texted every evening since then and he didn’t know how he managed to fall asleep before that, without the distractions of Luhan’s songs.

Luhan hadn’t expected him so early, and he was taken aback to see him standing there, smiling. White, small blossoms mingled in his hair, blooming almost at the same time as Luhan’s smile. There were also a few peony buds around his wrists that Yixing couldn’t ignore, although he didn’t say anything about this sight. He pondered a bit, and he could maybe remember that the white flowers’ name began with a b.

“Hi. I told you I was coming, didn’t I?” On his way here, Yixing’s thoughts had already started to separate themselves from his life back home, only thinking about this place, about his memories and about Luhan. He thought that it was partly voluntary and he distracted himself intentionally, but that wasn’t important.

“You didn’t arrive so early last time.”

“Really? Well, I thought of something while I was driving.” Luhan curiously waited for him to continue. “It might not be… too important and you might not want to do it, but… Don’t you want to know where you came from?” The boy blinked quickly a few times.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know exactly… But did you ever try to find that out?” Luhan shook his head, looking down, away from Yixing’s gaze. The latter noticed the buds unfolding their petals gradually.

“No… I wondered about it, but I guess I was a coward.”

“It’s ok.” Hearing the condescending tone, Luhan looked back at him. “It’s never too late to try. Do you want to?”

“With you? Yes!” He bit his lip, almost as if he regretted being so enthusiastic, but his response made Yixing chuckle in relief. “But how? And when? Now?”

“Yep.”

“Hm…” Luhan sighed, excitement washed away and making place for his more realistic thoughts. “That sounds nice and all, but I really don’t think we’ll-”

“It's ok, then we’ll just go for a simple walk.” Yixing interrupted, smile still plastered on his face, because he really wanted this to be a good day, no matter the outcome of their little expedition he had planned in his head.

Luhan decided that he didn't mind a simple walk if it was with Yixing. He wouldn’t let himself hope that they would find anything related to him, and everything would be alright, maybe even more than that.

“But where are we heading?”

“I’ll have to ask you that.”

Right. It was obvious. Although their destination wouldn’t matter too much, Luhan tried to find something among his dusty memories. It felt like it had been ages since he had last tried to remember something before he reached this house. His home. Yixing watched him think, fiddling with the straps of his backpack, which was hanging on one of his shoulders. It contained some food and water for them, just in case. The other boy didn’t seem successful, judging by his expression, brows furrowed and a slight pout on his lips.

“I remember, maybe… Coming from a certain direction… But it’s hazy and there’s nothing more… Sorry.” But for Yixing it was more than enough. The village was small, without too many roads intersecting each other, a main, wider one in the center of everything, winding through tiny homes. Not many lived there anymore, and the ones who did were the grandpas and grandmas of those children he used to see running around and who sometimes played with him back then. Only a few quiet lives, and yet this place felt so alive. He knew the reason, of course, it was right in front of him, the boy who took care of those flowers in the garden in Fenfang’s place.

They set off, although when they stepped outside of the garden, outside of the place Luhan considered safe, he appeared reluctant. Yixing petted his back, and they walked beside each other. He wondered when the last time Luhan left home was, but he didn’t voice his curiosity. There were nearly no people out, and Yixing realized then that this place seemed sad and empty. The first time he had returned here in a long time, for his grandma, two weeks ago, the village was like that for an obvious reason. Last week, he hadn’t cared much, only thinking of Luhan and his home.

The only person they encountered before they exited the village was an old lady, whom Yixing couldn’t remember, and who only watched them curiously from the edge of the road. Luhan had scooted closer to him, relaxing when they left her behind. She was not judging him, they both could tell, but Luhan couldn’t help it. The peonies were now in his hands, having fallen off his skin. They would soon wilt, but he didn’t want to throw them away.

They walked the short distance towards the closest exit of the village silently, leaving behind the houses and only passing several trees. A small forest laid ahead of them, in the distance, old and wise, watching the dwindling community as the road meandered to the left, uphill.

They continued not to speak as they walked. Yixing would glance at Luhan every now and again. The boy looked peaceful, happy even, and the white flowers were still in his hair. He himself was a little worried about the overcast sky, but at least he had brought an umbrella. He frowned when he felt several droplets on his face, but Luhan didn't seem to notice. Luckily it was just that for now, and rain seemingly decided not to fall, at least not yet.

“What are those flowers called?” Yixing eventually broke the silence, although maybe ‘broke’ is not the right word.

“Which ones?” The other looked rather confused, having forgotten about them, or rather just not thinking of them. “Oh, these…” he mused when Yixing pointed to his head. “I think they're bouvardia.”

He somehow felt that he shouldn’t ask what they meant or that he didn’t need to, so he just nodded and continued to walk. They reached the edge of the woods when he spoke again.

“Thank you for what you did these days. I hope it didn’t bother you.”

“What did I do?”

“You know…” It was Yixing’s turn to feel flustered now. In evenings, when he was tired, it was alright, he felt that it was a normal thing, but now, in broad daylight, he felt like a kid, like he was now sober after the nights when he was drunk with weariness.

“Ah, singing you to sleep?” The corners of Luhan’s eyes crinkled when he giggled, not at all teasing him, but genuinely joyful that he had done something helpful. “Don't worry about it. I like it. I’ve never done this before, but I really like it.”

YIxing smiled, relieved, and they continued on their way without saying much. Everything was silent except the ruffling of the trees they were passing by, cradled by the wind. About five minutes have passed peacefully, uneventfully, until Yixing noticed a kid’s silhouette on the edge of the road, curious eyes glued to them as she seemed to hesitate. He stopped, grabbing Luhan’s wrist in the process, because he was only looking at the road, not having seen the little girl.

At first, Yixing thought she might have lost her way or something along the line, but then he was intrigued by the daisies tangled in her hair in a very familiar way. The child looked confused about what to do, partly wanting to hide behind the tree she was standing next to and partly wanting to take a closer look at them - at Luhan, because he realized she was eyeing him. He looked at his friend, who returned the girl’s gaze. The brunet watched Luhan’s look change from slight surprise to shock, pink, blue and purple flowers with an unknown name adorning his neck, and he didn’t need to guess what his emotions were.

The kid didn’t seem as surprised as him as she approached them slowly, trying to keep away from Yixing, glancing at him a few times, but mostly keeping her eyes on Luhan. They could now see how small, white petals of the same kind as the ones in her hair covered her fragile body like a festive dress. Yixing was in awe and Luhan still had the same expression as he also stepped closer to her.

“You… Where did you come from?” He asked, crouching before her, while Yixing stepped away a bit, seeing that the girl seemed to be scared of him.

“The forest…” she responded softly, carefully, eyes wandering around his hair, neck and the peonies he was still holding. She saw something in Luhan, and she was afraid not to mistaken him for something he wasn’t. The boy remained speechless for a while, gazing at her.

“Where do you live? Why are you here?”

“In the forest… I… I wanted to see you better.”

“Why me?”

“You don’t know? Aren’t you the same as us?” There is a glint of hope in her eyes, mixed with fear, but Luhan dismisses the latter quickly with a nod.

“Yes… Yes, I think I am.” he chuckled, happy and incredulous, then he looked at Yixing. “Can you believe it?” he mouthed and the other thought he could see his eyes glistening with tears. But maybe he was wrong. He smiled back, realizing he hadn’t held high hopes that they would find something related to Luhan. He believed it would be too beautiful to happen, too good. But this little girl stood there, looking at Luhan while Luhan looked back at her and saw what could have been his home, or at least a part of it.

“Why are you not with us then?” She inquired, making him shift his attention back to her.

“I don’t know either…” _Us_ meant that there were more people like him, and to think they were so close to him all this time and he had done nothing… It was pretty much the same thing he had done to Yixing. He just hid all his life, and he regretted it, but when the feelings were just beginning to sprout, the girl moved her hand to grab his.

“Will you come?”

“Y-Yeah.” She grinned and he stood up again. “What’s your name? If you…” He stopped himself before he finished his thought, _if you have one,_ because he figured it would have been rude maybe.

“Daisy.” It was simple and also intriguing, how she was named after the flowers embracing her small frame. “What’s yours?”

“I’m Luhan. And he’s my friend, Yixing.” The latter smiled when Daisy looked at him.

“I can head home first.” he said, and Luhan tilted his head in confusion  before he frowned and stepped forward, grabbing his arm.

“Can he come too, Daisy? He’s my friend, I promise.”

“He can come!” She replied before heading back, small steps leading them through the trees, on a pathway they couldn’t see, but she knew so well. They were following her closely, fingers intertwined, because Luhan’s hand had slid towards Yixing’s for some reason the latter couldn’t be sure of, but he didn’t mind.

The deeper they walked into the woods, the more clearly they could hear tiny voices, laughing and calling each other, whining, crying, joking. There were about ten children they saw once Daisy stopped, fluttering her arms and bouncing and trying to scream so that she could be heard over their noise. Most of them were startled when they noticed Yixing and Luhan, the former a few steps behind, because he knew he didn’t belong there, but Luhan did. The latter gave a small wave, and before he knew it, he was surrounding by kids, waves of indistinguishable questions reaching his ears, and tiny fingers clinging to his clothes excitedly. He didn’t know why, but he felt like he could cry right there.

Yixing was watching them, grinning, wishing he could film this moment and keep it and cherish it, for Luhan especially. He had never seen him so happy before, even if he hadn’t known him for a long time.

“Hey, hey, hey, guys…” Luhan attempted to calm them down a bit, between chuckles. One of the girls, taller and presumably older, managed to stifle the jumble of questions and exclamations. Not entirely, but it was enough for Luhan to be heard, although now that the possibility was laid in front of him he fidgeted, trying to find what to say. He glanced at Yixing, eyes pleading for help. They had just found out how awkward he was around children, which was understandable, Luhan thought.

“Introduce yourself.” Yixing mouthed the words, and Luhan’s mouth formed an O in realization. Yes, that’s what he should do maybe.

“I’m Luhan.” he said before returning to fidgeting, and some of the children began to giggle at the sight of peonies blooming again. He partly felt like running away, but that would be wrong, he figured. He grimaced because of his own feelings.

After his brief introduction he heard a collective “Where are you from?”, the vices asynchronized, some louder, others quieter, but all obviously curious.

“I’m… I’m from the village.”

“But you’re like us!” One of the boys exclaimed, confused. Both Luhan and Yixing figured that all of them lived together there and Luhan was a rarity. Maybe being afraid wasn’t his fault after all, or maybe Luhan shouldn’t have felt he was wrong for it.. Maybe they were too. “Do adults leave when they grow up? Will we have to leave here too?” He could see panic forming in his eyes and Luhan was quick to shake his head.

“No, no. It’s not like that. I… I don’t know, I just… I thought I was the only one like this until now... “ He gazed at all of them again, and it all still seemed like a dream. Pastel blossoms surrounded him and he could smell their gentle scents and he felt like hugging them all, because it was the most wonderful day he had ever lived. “Are there no adults here?” He asked, thinking about what the boy had told him.

“There are a few!”

Before he could ask any more, another kid interfered, pulling at his sleeve, round eyes looking up in his. Evidently, she didn’t find the subject interesting, and was excited for a new possible playmate.

“We were playing hide and seek, do you want to play with us?” Some of the kids bounced on their feet, looking forward to an affirmative answers, while some others wanted to know more about him, opposing the little girl vehemently, as vehemently as playful children could.

“Sur-” he began, and Daisy was the one to interrupt him this time, small hand grabbing his.

“Why did you leave home?” A slightly whiney tone was audible in her question. “Did you not like it here?”

“I really don’t know either… I can’t remember why I left.” He couldn’t ever imagine he wouldn’t have liked it here, and the way she called this place ‘home’ touched Luhan, and he began to really regret his decision back then, even if he didn’t remember what caused it.

“Where did you live?” Another boy asked, and Luhan smiled, sitting on the grass and risking dirtying his pants. Not that it mattered anyway. The children followed his example, like a kindergarten class getting ready for hearing a story.

He wondered whom he should thank when several shy sun rays made their way through the foliage, immediately followed by a sea of light which warmed everything up once the clouds drifted away like lazy giants. He also wondered how they didn’t seem to be cold before, but he tucked the question deeper in his mind for now.

“I don’t live too far away. Just in a small house in the village and-” they looked at him with big warm and curious eyes, shortly after that following his gaze towards Yixing, who was still standing aside. The other motioned for him to come next to him, introducing him at the same time. “This is my friend, Yixing. You don’t have to be afraid of him.” He approached hesitantly and sat next to him while Luhan continued talking. “His grandma kind of became my grandma too.” Did they even know what a grandma was? He had no idea about how they lived here. “And I lived in her house.”

“Did she have flowers?” One of them asked, voice lively.

“Yes, she had lots of flowers! She loved them! She has a beautiful garden full of them and she always took care of them.”

“Can your grandma come here too?”

“I’d bet she’d love to, but…” He looked briefly at Yixing, whose eyes saddened a bit. “She’s not here anymore.”

“Why?-”

“Is it nice there?” The older girl swiftly changed the subject. A little wiser than the rest, she had probably realized what he talked about.

“It is very nice.” He nodded. “Where do _you_ live?”

“What do you mean? We live _here_.” The boy from earlier stretched his arms and moved them around, as if it should have been obvious that the whole place was theirs.

“How do you live here? What do you eat?”

“We don’t eat much. Fruit are enough. And sun.”

“Sun?” Luhan looked confused, and they, in turn, looked confused at his reaction.

“Yes, you don’t?”

“No.” Confusion spread on Yixing's face as well, Luhan noticed when he looked at him. He felt the differences between them at that moment, discrepancies beginning to arise. They were the same, but he was, at the same time, different, more like Yixing. Even so, he felt welcomed there.

“You said there are a few adults here, but where are they?” Yixing asked this time, hoping they would answer him as they did to his friend. Daisy, who didn’t seem to mind his presence, and who was right next to him, responded.

“They’re busy now, treating an old tree!” her eyes were shining, with admiration Yixing would guess, for what they were doing. Him and Luhan looked at each other before the latter spoke again.

“You can do that?”

“Yes! We’re still learning and we’re not very good, but you can probably do it!”

“I-I’ve never done this…” He looked down, lost in thought and noticing that the peonies he was still holding were wilting, a few petals having fallen on his lap. “I didn’t even know that was possible!”

“You didn’t know?!” The little girl fidgeted a little, opening and closing her mouth, pondering over something before shaking her head, a few white petals landing on her shoulders.

“You want to show me?” Her cheeks reddened when he guessed her thoughts and he smiled, extending his arm towards her, wanting to give her the almost dead flower. She quickly shook her head, more animatedly this time.

“I can’t! I-I’m not good at it yet… But Hydrangea can!” She looked at the older girl, who sported a surprised expression.

“Me?”

“Yes, you can do it better than all of us!”

She looked like she wanted to refuse, but when Luhan gave her the flowers, she accepted them, gazing at them for a while. She closed her eyes. All the others watched the flowers closely. Luhan, too. He didn't know what to expect, but his heart was beating faster, waiting. There was no incantation, no sudden burst of light, nothing to give away what she was doing, except the petals of the peonies, unfurling their shriveled bodies and coming to life.  He was mesmerized, even more so than the children, that were used to seeing this. Maybe… Maybe someday he could do that too. And maybe someday he could call this place home. And maybe someday he would find his courage.

 

After promises of returning, smiles and a few hide and seek games, Luhan and Yixing returned home. That night, Luhan fell asleep after he thanked Yixing a millionth time, head on his lap, without having asked the other, but he didn’t seem to mind. The only thing Yixing minded was that he felt he should restrain from letting his fingers play with Luhan’s hair.

Tomorrow he would wish he had done that and much more.

 

_I hate roses. I shouldn’t, but I do because they remind me of our last day_

 

Yixing regretted with every fibre in his body. He regretted not spending much time with Luhan, not letting him know how he felt with him, but what he regretted the most was that he didn’t protect him. Only if he had known it would end up like this…

He woke up alone, lying on the sofa, to the sharp sound of vessel shattering and familiar voices. His heart began to gallop in his chest when he heard that person, someone who didn’t belong there, intruded their tiny, temporary - they knew that very well, and that made it even more precious - haven with mud stained boots and ruined everything.

“Come here boy, where do you plan on going?” Yixing himself shivered when he heard that man addressing Luhan. Without hesitation he called the police, hands and legs trembling, voice too.

He should have warned Luhan or he should have been more careful. Now the one who almost ruined his life was in his grandma’s kitchen, ready to do it for real.

It was too damn late even if he sprinted towards the kitchen. Luhan’s scream seemed to echo in the silence so thick that seemed unusually ominous. Yixing saw the blade of the kitchen knife glinting for a moment and then… red.

Pulse booming in his ears and adrenaline running through him, he grabbed the nearest thing - a cutting board - and hit him as hard as he could, tears welling in his eyes, and Luhan’s cries hurting every piece of him. The man, hit on the head, passed out. Yixing kicked him aside and had the strength to think clearly for a bit and call an ambulance.

That was before looking at Luhan properly and falling on his knees next to him, jeans now stained because of the puddle of blood he was writhing in. Yixing had never felt so much pain in his life. He was fumbling around, unsure and trembling, mumbling incomprehensible things, tears dropping and getting lost in the crimson liquid. It was a nightmare, how he watched helplessly as Luhan curled in pain. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, how the blood flowed from his chest wound and poured down his cheek - from his eye. Or what had been his eye. Yixing was horrified even if he couldn’t see it because Luhan’s hand was blocking the view, fingers coiling and convulsing as if he wanted to grab the pain and throw it away. There was so much blood, so much suffering and Yixing didn’t know what to do. At some point, he thought that he could hear his name, contorted and desperate to reach him, but at this point he couldn’t be sure.

Yixing noticed black, small flowers, petals stained of blood, and he started sobbing and sniffing, holding Luhan’s head to his chest helplessly, until the latter just stopped. He stopped crying, screaming and moving and Yixing froze. He didn’t want to move, he was afraid to know what happened. He didn’t know how much it all lasted, but he could hear sirens faintly when he laid Luhan down carefully. Blood and tears had been trickling down his cheeks, his left eye was wide open in terror and the other… the other was no more, but instead of a wound or whatever horror he had expected, a red rose bloomed. He didn’t know if it was really red or it was painted by blood.

And all he could do was cry.

**Author's Note:**

> My skills are rusty. A tiny sequel will follow. Feedback is appreciated :D (please?)


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